In 2017

Becoming What I’ve Lost

woman wearing white holding pregnant belly

This is an old post that was first posted on June 4, 2016. I was becoming a mother after I had lost my own. I had no idea about what to expect. No idea how to be or what to do. Now my beautiful daughter is here and I am using my instincts, winging it, and googling it.

To have loved and lost is better than to have never loved at all. It damn sure hurts to lose. To lose one and to become one. A mother. A guardian, a teacher, a never ending ocean of true and unconditional love. As I feel her kicking or moving unidentifiable parts throughout my midsection I don’t wonder how I felt to my mom, instead I wonder if I’m ready, I remember my moms words ” when you have children you stop being selfish” as told to her by her mother. I wonder if my not quite together life is together enough to just figure it out along the way. I can’t imagine what she will look like, if I will see myself in her. All I know for sure is that it will be a journey; one I probably would not trade for the world.

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